In my life, I have regularly gone through a grieving process: I had to process the fact that things had gone wrong in my life. As an artist, I processed this by creating art; I wrote raw poems, drew what I felt, but could not put into words, and for a year I painted my sorrow in the form of tears…
There are those beautiful lists describing how a grieving process unfolds, but in the reality of my life, I noticed that everything went its own way. There was no schedule. There was no order… there was only chaos. From deep despair to huge fits of laughter. From silent crying spells to pitch black gloom. Everything passed by.
I really love the Bible book of Ecclesiastes, written by Solomon, the son of David. There is something in the tone of the book that gives me the confidence that life is simply messy, but that this is okay too. You learn to accept certain circumstances in order to move on with life.
Going through a grieving process (this can be anything: death, divorce, unemployment, or having to accept that your situation has changed against your will) may be messy, but I have also noticed that space is created for a new beginning.
A different way of life in which you might start doing things you would never have done before…
During a grieving process, you sometimes realize that things can be different from now on. For you not only have to learn to cope with the emotions of loss, but you often also experience other unpleasant things that you had not expected:
– people you called friends who disappoint you
– consequences you had not foreseen
– self-doubts and feelings of guilt towards others
– loss of income, home, and other possessions that you had not expected to lose
– loss of family, in-laws, neighbors, and colleagues whom you had not thought would end so abruptly
All that chaos prepares you to let go of the situation you were in; sometimes forced and sometimes by your own choice.
Fortunately, you are not alone….God is with you.
Even if it doesn’t feel that way….
Even if you don’t notice it…
Even if you feel that you too have been abandoned by God…that is not the case.
Workbook
- Read the book of Ecclesiastes through the lens of your grieving process. What do you recognize in Solomon’s words? What appeals to you and what evokes resistance in you?
- Try to narrow down the jumble of all the emotions you feel to one all-encompassing emotion. This could be, for example, ‘sadness’ or ‘anger’, but also ‘powerlessness’ or ‘loneliness’.
Then think of an image that represents that emotion. For me, ‘sadness’ was the dominant emotion, and I chose the image of a tear.
You can give shape to your image in all kinds of creative ways; simply choose a medium that appeals to you. You can get started with paint, collage, drawing, charcoal, etc. You can do needlework, make music, or write poems.
Get to work giving shape to your image again and again in a way that suits you. It gives you something to do while you go through the grieving process. It can also help you to use it as a visual diary that you can show to others when you are unable to speak well.